This week has wore me out, and it is only Tuesday. Homeschooling my dear son has been a challenge to say the least the past 2 days. I feel like quitting. Both days, I think he has spent as much time in the "principal's" office (a.k.a. Dad's) as much as he has sitting down to do his school work. I have all these wonderful visions of how our home school should go, look and be. Problem is... it isn't much looking like I envision. Instead, the past few days have been filled with complaining, disobedience, sibling rivalry, one highly distractible child, and yes numerous spankings. Sometimes I just want to throw the towel in and say, "Lord, I am not cut out for this!" But I can't. And that is when I realize that I am in need of the Lord's grace more than ever. And that is when I come running to the cross, realizing that I am just like my precious children. I am the one with the complaining spirit, the one who isn't showing much grace to my children, the one who is impatient and critical. In short, I am just as much the problem as they are! Parenting is all about seeing our own need of the Gospel. We are in need every day, every hour of the cleansing and redeeming grace of Jesus. And my kids need to see that. They don't have to go far to see that I am not perfect. But what I do with my imperfections and where I take them is what they need to see. I hope and pray that they see me bring my sin and my weaknesses to the throne room of Jesus each and every day.
So often I lose sight of what is important. I am so overwhelmed with all the responsibilities of being a mom and a wife and a homemaker, the fact that my kitchen sink is overflowing with dishes sometimes seem more important than the emotional & spiritual needs of my children. I neglect to train them in the ways of righteousness because I am tired and would rather just retreat from the constant demands of motherhood. Yet, Christ calls me to persevere. He calls me to keep stepping forward, keep coming to him in repentance and faith, repentance and faith, that the Gospel may work in my own heart and in those around me. I am a work in progress. And so are my kids. And so are you. The good news is that He has already perfected those who are being sanctified (Hebrews 10:14). We belong to Him, and we already know the end of the story!
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2 comments:
I am so with you,girl! Homeschooling has helped me become closer to Christ and grow in the sanctification process. I am thankful for homeschooling for that, however I feel your pain on the days where I want to give up!
I really need to hear this everyday. Even though I am not homeschooling, the demands on me as a wife and mother are so overwhelming to the point I want to run away some days. Thank you for sharing this.
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